THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THE LEADER AND THE TEAM

Nobody teaches you how to exercise leadership when you are growing up.

You learn how to walk.

You learn how to speak.

You learn how to study.

You learn how to get a job.

But nobody really prepares you for the moment when people start looking at you and saying:

“You are the leader.”

And suddenly, you are responsible for people.

Their performance.

Their development.

Their mistakes.

Their confidence.

Their future.

And sometimes, their failure.

Leadership is not a promotion.

Leadership is an expedition.

And if you are a young leader, you need to understand that before you begin the journey.

One of the most fascinating leadership books I have read is The Last Place on Earth by Roland Huntford.

It tells the story of the race between Robert Falcon Scott and Roald Amundsen to reach the South Pole.

Two leaders.

Two teams.

One destination.

But very different approaches to leadership.

Amundsen prepared obsessively.

He studied the environment.

He learned from those who had already survived similar conditions.

He understood equipment, discipline, consistency and preparation.

Scott’s expedition, by contrast, became one of history’s great lessons in how ambition without sufficient preparation can become dangerous.

The story is not simply about Antarctica.

It is about leadership under pressure.

And that is why I believe every young leader should study it.

Because here is something nobody tells you when you become the boss:

You cannot lead people exactly the same way you used to be their colleague.

This is where leadership becomes uncomfortable.

You want to be liked.

You want to be approachable.

You want everyone to feel comfortable around you.

You want to have lunch with the team.

You want to joke with them.

You want to be one of them.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being human.

But there is a danger.

If you become too close to the people you lead, you can lose something incredibly important:

perspective.

Being the boss does not mean becoming arrogant.

It does not mean becoming cold.

It does not mean becoming evil.

And it certainly does not mean treating people badly.

But it does mean accepting that there must be a certain distance between the leader and the team.

Not emotional distance.

Leadership distance.

The distance that allows you to make a difficult decision when everyone else wants an easy one.

The distance that allows you to hold someone accountable when you personally like them.

The distance that allows you to say “No” when everyone else is saying “Yes.”

And sometimes, the distance that allows you to stand alone.

I learned something very early in my hospitality career:

The moment you become the General Manager, everybody becomes your friend — until you make a decision they don’t like.

And that is when you discover whether they respected you…

or simply enjoyed having you around.

Leadership is not measured when everything is going well.

Leadership is revealed when you have to make an unpopular decision.

When standards are slipping.

When someone talented is behaving badly.

When the numbers are wrong.

When the guest is unhappy.

When your team has failed.

When you have to protect the culture.

That is when leadership becomes real.

And here is another uncomfortable truth for young leaders:

Your team does not need you to be their best friend.

They need you to be fair.

They need you to be consistent.

They need you to be courageous.

They need you to tell them the truth.

And most importantly—

they need to know where you are taking them.

Because an expedition without a destination is simply walking in the snow.

The best leaders I have worked with had something in common.

They created psychological safety without creating leadership ambiguity.

Their people could approach them.

Challenge them.

Disagree with them.

Make mistakes.

But nobody was confused about who was accountable.

That is the balance.

Warmth without weakness.

Authority without arrogance.

Distance without disconnection.

Accountability without humiliation.

That is leadership.

So, to every young leader listening to me:

Prepare yourself.

Because leadership will test parts of you that your education never tested.

Your patience.

Your ego.

Your emotional intelligence.

Your ability to make unpopular decisions.

Your ability to remain calm when everyone around you is panicking.

And perhaps most importantly—

your ability to be respected without needing to be liked.

When you become the boss, don’t change who you are.

But understand that your role has changed.

You are no longer simply walking with the expedition.

You are responsible for the expedition.

Sometimes that means walking a few steps ahead.

Sometimes it means walking behind and allowing your people to lead.

And sometimes—

when the weather becomes brutal—

it means standing alone at the front and saying:

“This is the direction.

Let’s go.”

Because leadership is not about being above your people.

It is about accepting responsibility for your people.

And that is the expedition nobody teaches you how to take—

until you become the leader.

Learning the Literature of Leadership

Suresh Abbas

Corporate & Hospitality Leader